How to say "I have cancer." Or, not.

I don't think I have mastered how to tell people that I have cancer. Here are some examples . . .

1. I've been playing phone tag with a friend since January. We were finally able to talk after I learned that the cancer was still hanging around. I'm sure she was expecting a great conversation about how I was feeling great and glad to be back a work. Instead the conversation went something like this:

K: Hi, how are you?!
M: Well, not so good. I just found out that the cancer is back. Or, was never gone.
K: Ummm . . . wow . . . I'm not sure what to say.

That was probably the best thing she could have said. I mean, really, what do you say?

2. I was a work and ran into an acquaintance that I hadn't see since before my surgery. He knew I had been sick last year and thought things were looking up.

J: Hey! Hi! You look great! I love the hair. How is everything?
M: Not good.
J: Oh.

And, I just left him hanging.

3. Today I was talking to two volunteers about a project and I had to stumble all over the place to tell them.

M: Well, I don't know what J told you about why I was out last week . . . well, oh, K, probably doesn't know . . . but might have guessed . . . I had cancer last year . . . and, um, it's back or was never gone . . . so, I had treatment last week . . . then I'm going to Maui . . . so I will work on your project after my second treatment . . . when I'm working at home . . . any questions?
K and G: shocked stares.

I really need to work on my delivery.

Abrupt U Turn

I'm really not sure what to write. I hadn't planned on cancer being a main topic of my blog. It began as a place to brag/whine/bitch about triathlon training. Well, it looks like I have something different to bitch/brag/whine about it. (I don't know exactly what I will bragging about, but I will find something.)

My first chemo was on Monday. These last few days haven't been fun, but just about what I expected. I've tried to get lots of rest and eat. Eat healthily. Which is a little challenging when I don't feel like eating. But eat I will! My plan is to go back to work tomorrow, I can only stand so much daytime TV and naps.

Visions of Maui, warm breezes, clear water, and drinks with little umbrellas, is the light at the end of this short tunnel.


A sunset view from our condos.

The Travel List

A few days ago I celebrated 10 years at my job. The perk of 10 years is four weeks vacation. Woot woot!! Last year I started my travel wishlist. Here is the start . . .

United States

• Maui, Hawaii - Check, going in May!
• New York City - plays, museums, and fashion stuff
• The Four Corners - maybe this fall. I have to go to Arizona in November anyway.
• Yellowstone in the fall - friends shared some amazing pics of wildlife at that time of year.
• The Middle - my buddy Jessica says I need to visit her in the Middle
• Alaska
• Kaui, Hawaii
  

International

• Mexico - revisit Tulum and visit Teotihuacan
• France
  
• Italy - Venice, Florence

Thinking about but not on The List yet

• Cruise in the Mediterranean Sea
• Safari in Africa

I guess it's time to start saving. ;-)

Adventures in Healthy Cooking - A List

Farmer's Market - Next week bring more cash, $30 wasn't enough. Was I ripped off by $12 for yams and sweet potatoes? The more I go the more savvy I will be. Right?

Trader Joe's - I got a lot of stuff there from my Whole Food's list.

Reading Comprehension - I need to re-read my recipes and shopping list. Prunes are not dates and fennel seed is not flax seed.

Magic Mineral Broth - Makes a ton!! Next time make a half batch. Anyone need some broth?

$$$$ - It's pricey. But hopefully with planning I can make smart choices. This week I made the broth and that was a lot of stuff.

Dishes - It makes a lot of dishes! Especially when you make three in one afternoon.

Time - I spent most of Sunday shopping and cooking.

What is going on? Well, as a wise friend told me (and many books and articles too) one thing I can do to prevent a recurrence is give my body cancer fighting tools, aka excellent nutrition.

The next thing I need to conquer is sugar. Is there an app for that?

Monthly Hair Pic

I've been brave enough to pop into a few stores with my chic new hair.


I caught a few people looking at me but it's because my hair is so rockin'. Right?


And, my attempt at a cutie-pie pic. Self portraits are challenging!


We'll check out the progress in 30 days.

Reluctant Acceptence

One of the things I'm struggling with is a "new" exercise routine. My plan for the new year was to jump back into exercise. I was feeling so good compared to how I'd felt for the last 6 months that I thought I was good to go. Yeah, not so much. The first week in January I went back to work and started swimming masters again. I was wiped out by Thursday. The second week, I added an exercise program at the Y for cancer survivors. Again, I was completely wiped out, this time on Wednesday. Hmmm . . . maybe it's time to re-evaluate the situation.

First, the swimming. Not only am I slower and moved down to the slower lane, but I'm not even leading the lane. *sniff* The Masters workouts were really kicking my butt trying to keep up with the intervals. Also, Masters and the Y class are on the same day. I discovered that I can't do two workouts in one day, I don't have enough in my energy savings. Unfortunately, Masters is only on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. So, my new plan is to swim on Wednesday and Saturday until the Y program ends in March.

Cycling, I got back on the bike! Dad and I went for a nice easy ride on the Coyote Creek Trail. My goal was an hour. I'm not much slower, but I was pretty tired around mile 9. Luckily, the car was only a mile away. My butt, however, was done at mile 8.


At the half way point.

I'm going to try to get on the bike once a weekend for a fun, easy ride. Weather and schedule permitting. I can get on the stationary bike at the Y, but there is only one upright bike in the whole place! Getting the sit bones in gear will be challenging.

I did a little running on the treadmill at the Y. The good thing is that I can still run. Not very fast but the feet do leave the ground. However, running was a little too much so I'm back to walking with purpose (aka < 20 min mile) twice a week. My plan was to run the Mermaid 5K in May. But I will have to see what I'm up to by then.

I was frustrated that I couldn't jump back in to my old routine. I was feeling so good and normal that I didn't understand why I couldn't do what I used to. Apparently, abdominal surgery, chemo, and six months of inactivity takes a toll on the body. Who knew?! So, I'm settling into my new routine and working on accepting the new me.

Blog Silence

Radio silence is what one of my bff calls it when she doesn't hear from me for awhile or I don't call her back. According to her, "radio silence is not cool."

So, sorry about the blog silence. I've been conflicted about what to write about. I had grand plans for 2011. I was going to jump in with both feet and get moving on my "new normal." Umm, yeah. It didn't quite work out that way. "New normal" is a lot more new than I expected it would be. As much as I didn't want my blog to be a "cancer" blog, it looks like the C-word will be coming up often.

So, here we go . . . let posting about becoming the new me begin!

New hair pic, December 23, 2010:

Just one day left . . .

This morning the alarm went off very early. I hit the snooze button at 5:14, 5:21, 5:28, and 5:35. I finally got out of bed at 5:42 got dressed. It was pretty chilly, I wished I had slept with my clothes. Jemma and I were out the door at 5:50 to meet BFF2 for a brisk walk. In a weird way it was nice to be walking in the cold, dark morning. (One of the major bonuses of early morning walks is there is no one to see me throw away the poop bags in the garbage cans that some people keep on the driveway.)

It has been interesting to go from training to doing very little activity. I can really feel it. After walking-with-effort for about 20 minutes there is a little pulling sensation on the inside of my knee. Based on knee pain I had while I was training for a 10k, it means my adductor is tight. Oh, alright everything is tight. IT Bands. Hip Flexors. Quads. Hamstrings. It looks like I will spending some quality time with my brand new foam roller.

Tomorrow I start pushing my body again and go back to Masters. I've gone a few times since June, but nothing remotely consistent. I'm interested to see what I'm able to do in the pool and how long it takes to get my endurance back. My plan is to get in the pool at 6am and swim for at least 45 minutes. I want to push but not totally exhaust myself. It's been so long that I decided I needed new gear. Right? New bag, paddles, suit, cap, and goggles! I'm going to be so coordinated.

I can't completely wear myself out in the pool because I'm also going back to work! Part of me can't believe that I haven't been there since mid-May. I haven't not worked since 1996 when I started grad school. Things have changed at work while I've been gone so there will be a lot to get used to. I've been climbing the walls that last few weeks, and I am ready and excited to go back to work.

It's good to be getting back to "life."

Early to bed, early to rise?

I hope so. Today I tried to get up at 7am and it was a struggle. Tomorrow I'm jumping back into my old routine and meeting a buddy at 6am for a walk. Ugh. I have to get back into the early morning routine because I'm going back to work on Tuesday! More about that later.